Life's Leavings~

For my first magickal "L" word for the weekly Pagan Blog Project, I would like to chat about:

 "Life's Leavings".

I've been toying with this phrase for awhile, and have even considered it as a book title. But now I see that it's already been a book title...(and not by me :)

Of this phrase I am harkened back to many moments of my life from early to just recently past.....and I've mulled it all over.

Maybe you have too....

It brings us to this question: 

Where has life left you?

Of all the things you've gone through, learned, amassed the information of, gathered, were inspired by, were bequeathed, pieced together, and sung...what is it that you are left with?

It's YOU.

You NOW. 

You can go anywhere from here and look at all the places you've been! 

You couldn't be at this place any other time except by going through all that former stuff. 

Life's leavings are the day to day experiences that get quilted in to your day. Some embroidered, some tatty, some of plain old muslim and some of brocade.

Some of us have a lot of shite in our pasts. 

 We need to analyze it...and let it go. 

We need to calm down, breathe, move forward with what we've learned,

and make up the next story for ourselves. 

I am not here for you to approve of. That's not my job. Oh, I have no doubt that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm sure that I shock some of you, anger some, are tasteless for some, draw pity from some and admiration from some.

And that's ok. 

What I know is that I'm here from those that I can touch by being me. The me that gives advice, is sometimes politically incorrect, out there trying new things, loving, being both wise & equally fool-hearty, brave and chicken-shit.  When we show our vulnerablity, there are those who would stab it or scoff it.  But it is for those who are also going through something similiar, that find truth in the meaning of what we do, and hang onto the beacon of who we are, or represent, liken unto twine for a drowning man.

We deal the deck we are given.

We all have our own tales to tell.

I, for one, have narrowly escaped the gaping jaw of destruction as a child from the hands of a serial killer, kept my faith in the heavens despite Parochial school and the nuns,  I courted-yet avoided- the trap of several addictions without succumbing,  I have adored a narcissist, I put myself in places where angels have feared to tread. 

And yet, I am still here. 

No, I am not invincible. 

Say what you need to say.
Do what you need to do.
You are the only one with the life banks, memory, aptitude and ability to do what you can do with all that information. 

So chill out, be yourself, and bask in the glow of what you've accomplished, who you are, who you know, what you've gone through, and you are the only one who can do what you can do, with all of that accumulated stuff and information!

I thought of it this way: 

I was musing to myself and thought of a love. Albeit a disfunctional past love... and I thought about him and said to myself: "I survived you. But then again... I'm not allergic to poison ivy either." 

Hello. Here am I.

And there you are.

We are Resilient.

And that's really what life's leavings teaches us, isn't it?

 

What is My Life Purpose?

It's been a batch of beautiful days and ones in which finds me searching for my next move. My kids are grown, many of my life's goals and dreams have been accomplished, I've just had another birthday...and it all makes me wonder the big question:

"Why am I here?" For what purpose are we to be accomplishing? Life should have meaning and more than just your "to-do" list and outings and work and chores.

I've been reading a pretty great book called, "Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction" by Laura Bergman Fortgang. It's very interesting and I'm trying to do the exercises in the book as I read along.

One of the most interesting (and involved) exercises is to make a Time Line for your life so far. Starting at birth, you note important events/memories/markers in *bullets (to keep it simple and less wordy).

A daunting task? Well, it did take me a couple of days. Memories would be complete and then I would remember something else and put that in. My advice would be to do it in a word document or use a lot of paper with spaces in between and a pencil with an eraser. You will find that you think you have it "done" and then you will get something triggered in your brain that you need to add.

I have found many interesting things about myself.

One thing is this: that during times of great distress (my father's death/mother's death, etc)....I have also had to grieve the death of one of my pets AT THE SAME TIME. The pets died due to health reason or hit by a car or some sort of tragic end at the same time that I was grieving a death of another loved one.

Pretty harsh reality there. I've had to go through some grievous life moments and they were doubled it seems in tragedy at the time.

I've also realized that of all the obstacles that I've overcome, I seem to help others or at least have been a solid support and lighthouse for others in some way.

I am an ENCOURAGER.

I believe that my art, music and hands-on personality style is a gift that does help others.

Helping others to grow and heal seems to be my life purpose.

I have attracted.... and been attracted to.... people that have needed me for some reason. To grow, to learn, to be supported or propped up in a time of need. And they help me too.

There have been some folks that I have had a hard time letting go of, because of their psychic thread or emotional attachments to me or that I have had attached to them in not wanting them to fall or fail again. I care. It matters to me what happens on my watch.

But at some point in time, I do let them go, to sink or swim, having imparted what I can to them and I hope for the best. There will be new folks for me to mother and help to guide and as a loving friend, I have no doubt.

I think my LIFE PURPOSE is that I am supposed to be:

 a Kindred Heart that soothes with Love and Music.

Someone who lifts spirits with humor.....who takes herself lightly...

 Someone who has arms for a much needed hug or touch....

or to simply acknowledge their presence, their gifts.

I will continue working with this book, and looking inward to see how I can continue to be a help to others, to YOU, and I know that my music is a big part of it and will continue to be.

Who knows?

Maybe I'll end up as an advice columnist or a traveling lecturer....have guitar, will travel :)

I'm still learning, but at least now I feel like I know I'm on the right path, going in the right direction....
to get to where the Gods need me to go.

So now, I ask you......

What is your life purpose?

Talk to me, I'm here to help :)